Grief (by Mark Mesa Oostlander)

What this video is about

In this video, psychologist Mark Mesa Oostlander, from the Centro de Psicología Elemental, explains what grief is: the normal reaction to a loss and the process of adapting to it. He points out that the loss need not be that of a loved one; it can also be a romantic relationship, a job or financial stability. He distinguishes between normal grief, which resolves, and complicated grief, which becomes entrenched and can resurface years later, and compares it to a wound that seems to heal but remains infected underneath. As for its duration, he says it depends on many factors and that most authors place it between six months and two years.

The video questions the popular idea of the stages of grief, associated with Kübler-Ross, because it conveys a linear and automatic process. Instead, the author prefers William Worden’s model of the four tasks, which gives the person a more active role: accepting the reality of the loss, working through the pain, adjusting to a world without the deceased and maintaining an ongoing bond with them, relocating them rather than saying goodbye. He also mentions Michael White’s proposal of “saying hullo again”.

Finally, he explains that psychological help can be useful both in complicated grief and in normal grief, when the suffering is intense.

Topics: grief, loss, complicated grief, tasks of mourning, psychological support

Read Mark's article: Grief: what it is, how it feels and when to seek help.